What the UPS Man Saw

Last week, we experienced some unseasonably hot weather. It was, I believe, a record setting day last Wednesday, hitting 90 degrees in early May. The sun was high in the sky and very bright. Everyone was attempting to manage an adjustment to the sudden hot temps.

That particular day, my friend Alison’s baby, Benjamin, was going to come and spend a few hours with us while she attended a meeting. Right when Alison showed up to drop off her sweet son, she walked though our door and immediately said, “You look cute!” I thanked her and filled her in on the outfit of choice.

It was a stylish black one piece outfit that resembles a shirt being tucked into shorts, sorta like the picture to the left but shorts rather than a skirt. It is not generally my style, but my California livin’ brother, John, resides next to a girl that works in the fashion industry. Fortunately for me, she had tons of sample size clothing that she needed to rid her apartment of and she offered them to me. John brought them all to me in his suitcase as my Christmas gift and he even shipped me another box full. Who can complain about free designer clothes with tags still on them? Certainly not me. So, when this little one piece ensemble appeared in the mix, I was at least willing to give it a try. The black, soft material was oh so very comfortable, and I had actually worn it a few times around the house but never out of our home. It seemed suitable attire for the day, being that the weather was hot and shorts sounded nice and cool.

While Alison was away, the 3 boys and I played. We ate lunch and relaxed. When Ben’s mommy returned, she and I spent some time chatting. In the middle of our discussion, I saw the UPS truck coming to deliver a package, which I was expecting, so I stepped away from our conversation to go and meet the UPS man. I walked though our cool and dark garage, being that the door was already open, and decided to meet him halfway so that he did not have to walk as far. Stepping out of the air conditioned house, into the shaded garage, and finally into the full force mid-day sun, I literally wanted to gag due to the heat.

“Are you hot yet?” I said to the delivery man, “because I am really hot.” It was 90 degrees, so this small talk was relevant and accurate. He seemed to shy away from the conversation and did not really have much to give in the form of a reply. He said something like, “It is not too bad,” and he handed my package, punched some numbers on his hand held device, and waved goodbye as I chimed in with “Have a nice day!”

Back inside with Alison, we concluded our conversation and she and baby Ben headed home. My boys and I began the countdown until Daddy was home. In the meanwhile, we read some books and they were allowed to play a game on the computer. Finally, I decided that the sun was setting enough that we could go outside into our front yard and actually play in some shade provided by the trees.

The tee was set up and we played a few rounds of baseball until Thomas pulled into the driveway. Daniel and Wesley ran towards him and doled out big hugs. We resumed baseball for a little bit and then decided to all go back inside as a family to eat diner.

As I grabbed Wesley’s hand and began to walk towards the house, Thomas says, “Ummm, Summer. You can see straight through that outfit.”

“Seriously? No, you can’t, can you?” I say, completely astonished.

“Yeah, you can. Hold still and I will tell you what underwear you are wearing.”

His description was detailed……and correct. “You are also wearing a red bra,” he added.

Turns out, the Los Angeles freebie truly is see through when you stand in the blazing sun.

(Even the picture above can be seen through in certain spots. If only I had seen that image *before* I wore mine)

I then immediately go back to my conversation with the UPS man, and in sitcom mode, I began to replay the entire scene from his perspective.

Young woman walks toward UPS man, emerging from the dark shade of the garage into the direct sunlight, saying in a seductive voice, while wearing a see through outfit, “Are you hot yet? Because I am really hot.”

Yeah. I totally did that…..at least the words and the see through part, not so much the seductive part.

So, needless to say, I will not be greeting him to grab packages anytime soon. He will be leaving them by my garage door while I sit quietly inside.

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7 thoughts on “What the UPS Man Saw

  1. That is hilarious! I had no idea or I would have warned you, promise! I am really laughing out loud right now!

    • Alison–that’s the thing–inside it is just fine! Outside, however, it is a peep show :O). You only really saw me inside.

  2. I promise they have seen worse!!! The stories Chris tells me makes me cringe, at least you are skinny and cute. Chris ran across a 300 lb+ naked in her front yard a couple weeks ago.

  3. Added comment from FB, simply because it is too good not to share with blog readers too:
    ‎Melody quoted me with “I will not be greeting him to grab packages anytime soon.” and said “That can also be read a different way. Ha!”

    Yes, yes it can. And now I have another reason to avoid the UPS man :O)

  4. This is histerical Summer!!!!!! Thanks for the laugh. I’m sure he will never forget you!!! LOL :-} Miss you guys!

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